she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
