And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
