tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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