I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
