Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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