Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize