I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
