Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
