I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
