Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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