So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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