I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
