i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
