theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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