I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
