I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
