I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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