bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
