went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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