to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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