i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize