Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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