You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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