Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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