She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize