if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
