Your mouth is God's brothel.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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