We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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