youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
