I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
