I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
