every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
