no, he came in my armpit
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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