another moral hangover. fuck.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
