I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It's Friday. Sex?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
