I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
