I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
