So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
