Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
