I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
