my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize