Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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