the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
