Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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