didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
barbara walters just said penis...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
