i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
