But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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