I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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