# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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