Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
