So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
