So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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