can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize