oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You're like the curious george of whores
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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