Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
