pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
