I want to have your abortion
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
