I think I am morally bankrupt
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
