I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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