dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
