I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
