After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
