I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
