if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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