i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
