Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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