That's intense
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize