I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
