if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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