i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My feet surprised me
Randomize
