those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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