thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
