I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
