clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Randomize
