At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
