Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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