...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
