I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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