I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
