We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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