So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
