we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
