Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
