I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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