apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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