loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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