My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
