So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
