You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize