So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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