I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
