Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
