im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize