Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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