we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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