So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
