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How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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