For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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